My Books

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The World is a Franchise

One Size Fits Most

Election years are like flu season. Try as you might to avoid that sick feeling, sooner or later the rhetoric and bombast, the foolishness and outrage kick you in the gut, and you may find yourself dreaming of a simpler life – perhaps a better world, where happiness and satisfaction aren’t chain-linked to material consumption and power.

Or you may choose to abandon reality altogether and strike out into the final fantasy frontier. Should you be considering such a move, you might be interested in the following document, which I chanced upon buried in a Tupperware container in the garden. It explains a lot.

A World Of Your Own

Congratulations on the purchase of a World Of Your Own™!

This one of a kind product offers almost endless opportunities to build, plant, harvest, explore, even govern a World Of Your Own™!

This custom built WOYO™ comes complete with land masses, oceans, mountains, ice caps, and all the fixin’s, and is generously stocked with a wide array of creatures including mammals, birds, fish, reptiles, amphibians and Yeti to use as you desire. Tame, hunt, breed, barbecue – whatever suits your fancy!

Depending on whether you opted for the WOYO™ Starter version, or the Deluxe Super-Size 2000 Edition MO-WOYO™, your new world is supplied with a starter pack of two humans, one of each gender, or, in the Deluxe edition, 20 billion humans in a rainbow assortment of genders, no two alike.

Terms and Conditions: The Maker(s) of World Of Your Own™ guarantee that each WOYO™ is free of certainty, chock full of unknowable hazards, and comes fully assembled with functional gravity, electro-magnetics, hot and cold random weather systems and a lifetime supply ozone layer. Should any of these systems fail while in your possession you may send a detailed description of the problem(s) to support@worldofyourown.com
Your satisfaction is just one of the limitless possibilities.

Limited Warranty: World Of Your Own™ provides a limited 5,000 year warranty on all of its products. World Of Your Own™ maintains a strict no refund policy. However, should you feel dissatisfied at any time with your world, you may leave at any time. Death is guaranteed.*

*Miracles sold separately.

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